just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Randomize
