Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
