I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
