i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Tornado booty call.. dedication
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
