Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
