i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
