If i come over, it means nothing
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
