My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
