It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I intend to get homeless drunk
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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