I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
