I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
