I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
