he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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