I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
