i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
