My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
