yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
