Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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