i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
There's even glitter on my cock...
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