i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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