how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
