I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
