you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
this will be a night to untag.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
