Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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