shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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