Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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