This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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