Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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