Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
