He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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