Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Blood and glitter go together right?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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