who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Randomize
