Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
