weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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