I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
