wakey wakey hands off snakey
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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