I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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