Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
What a dumb baby whore.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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