My sheets look like a crime scene.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
