I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
