you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Randomize
