I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
In other news, I just burned my penis
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
