I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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