i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
