i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
You smell like stripper and shame
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
