I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
