i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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