well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
