We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
