I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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