My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
