Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
