Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
