i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
