I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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