You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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