If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
