i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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